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Self War

by Cold Shoulder

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1.
Braindead 02:12
I've been feeling stressed out Lost and confused, trying to figure it out Brain dead from my guilty conscience, And misinformed from all the shit that I've seen I need to conceal all the things that are killing me And lock them up and throw them out so that I can live free. I've been feeling regret, Sick to my stomach, it's hard to ingest No pressure I'll just do what I please, Until this stress lifts off of me. I've been feeling just a little stressed out. Lost and confused trying to figure it out. I need to conceal all the things that are killing me And lock them up and throw them out so that I can live free. I'm brain dead from my guilty conscience. I'm tearing at my skin till I bleed I've turned a blind eye against myself Submerged in guilt and tryin to breath I will never say I saw this coming. and I will never shame the life I live Painting pictures of my mistakes. And I know I'll be the only one left Without a grudge I've been feeling just a little stressed out. Lost and confused trying to figure it out. I need to conceal all the things that are killing me And lock them up and throw them out so that I can live free.
2.
Headsick 01:55
I could have had it all and now I've fallen behind falling behind I'm struggling to stay above the poverty line. I swung with all I had and missed the easiest shots Stuck without a shovel as my body rots I've got a sick fucking head sick fucking head I'm gonna live till I'm dead I'm gonna live till I'm dead, until I'm unnaturally maladjusted to it and I won't ever lose sight of what's in front of us, what lies ahead. Mirror, mirror, who's the absolute most fucked up man? It's hard to come to grips with calloused-cut pulsating hands. If time could heal all wounds, itís got a hell of a job to do. A never-ending cycle of remorse will bury you. God fucking abandoned us So we trust in emptiness When you're running out of second chances, don't miss. So where's the truth if everyone's in denial? I think about it every once in a while. See through, the system from a million miles. Cold black heart with a secretive smile I could have had it all and now I've fallen behind I'm struggling to stay above the poverty line I'm isolated past the point of severing ties. They made a slave outta you. I'm gonna live till I die.
3.
Dead Weight 02:53
Ruminating over every mistake Every burning disassociate All the evidence that wouldn't add up The stranger in yourself whoís arms'at you cut The voice you buried in the back of your mind. Is nothing of the supernatural divine. Every moment that your hands had been tied Appending to conventions of your ego-fucking-suicide Oh, there was blood in the antidote, It corroded the flesh of my desperate throat. As we renew our delusions of god We accept the complexity seen through the fog. I'm as empty as the vials of cyanide, I'm Losing myself to the poison inside. Ruminating over every mistake Every burning disassociate All the evidence that wouldnít add up The stranger in yourself whoís arms'at you cut The voice you buried in the back of your mind. Is nothing of the supernatural divine. Every moment that your hands had been tied Appending to conventions of your ego-fucking-suicide I've spent too long suspended in this illusion I'm severing all of my ties. I see it all with a new set of eyes, Its nothing of the supernatural divine, I wish you well, hope you live well and fine, When you're stuck with operators of the suicide hotline. The voice you buried in the back of your mind. Is nothing of the supernatural divine I wish you well, hope you live well and fine, Committing Ego-fucking-suicide
4.
Leash 01:55
There's a line between obedience and kindness Spent the last 6 months trying to find it Desire to be a good man had me blinded Its hard to see the abuse from Inside it But Selflessness Is wasted on the selfish And your self-destruction Is something I can't help with I knew the slightest push would break you I knew I could be wrong I had convinced myself there's virtue In being treated like a dog I've seen a pattern Of ill-advised decisions Why do I waste my breath When I know you'll never listen There's a line between obedience and kindness spent the last 6 months trying to find it Desire to be a good man had me blinded Its hard to see the abuse from Inside it You kept me under your heel You kept on crossing the line But from this day forth I've decided; I'm finally walking a way From what was never mine To be dignified and defiant Stay out of my home And I'll keep my heart out of your reach rather die alone Before I'd let you hang me from this leash
5.
Placed in their hands, the message-twisted Striking with fists, implicit visions Respecting the lie, we keep our distance What a plague to be so privileged Never to speak, only to listen The downtrodden soon become gifted Burning bridges, ever divisive Blinding us to prejudice Built on foundations of our sins, unforgiven Aiming for freedom, we narrowly miss Fatal flaws of false identity It's never seemed so simple (To push for peace of mind) To find serenity Absent of incidence Burdened with the consequence (the consequence) It makes no difference who's guilty or who's innocent Pride over consciousness (consciousness) Preemptive self-defence (self-defence) Crime in my bloodstream No chance, I won't relent As this mob mentality takes hold Someone will suffer Fatal flaws of false identity It's never seemed so simple (To push for peace of mind) To find serenity You're the one who's pushing disinformation As you herd your sheep into crowds of indignation But you're the one who needs to learn to draw the line Between the fiction and the truth you find. Your perfect world is nothing but a fucking prison
6.
Guilt 03:08
Followed by guilt for committing a sin. All of my demons they come from within. Got no direction but that never stops me From running away from the places i've been. So vexed that I can't even think straight My skull is filled with a deafening noise This is a madness that kills A fiery hatred inside that destroys Haunted by ghosts of my every mistake. Walking on nails every step that I take. Look for a way out but can't see the light. Stuck in a body with someone I hate. So vexed that I can't even think straight My skull is filled with a deafening noise This is a madness that kills A hate that destroys Try to sleep But i can't ignore the repulsion in me. Try to run It catches up like its shot from a gun. It always catches up (no matter what) Every door and window (slamming shut) And when I try to fight (I always lose) This is the hand i'm dealt- nothing to do. This is the hand i'm dealt. Find peace in myself Or take the one way out. Just wait another day See if the loathing fades Maybe I'll learn to change. Dwell on mistakes Till my head aches Try to sleep But i can't ignore the repulsion in me. Try to run It catches up like its shot from a gun. Patience is progress, conflict is life. Balancing thoughts on the the edge of a knife Steadfast and stubborn, never relent. Waging this war till the end of my life. The cycle will start with an illness But it will end with a choice This is a madness that kills A hate that destroys
7.
Fear 02:52
A hopeless backwards march and the seconds blend seamlessly into years (a lost soul//once cold) dripping with sweat gripped with constant regret anxiety a struggle to breathe and find peace inside my own mind the noise is fucking unbearable Ten years Ten years and i'm still searching for an answer can't tell if i've lost my way or i'm bound to failure Ever pressing, a constant fear of falling further down this hole I distance myself within myself and wonder if I'll ever know If I've wasted the years chasing something worth absolutely nothing at all If I'm treading water, growing tired each day I drown Ten years of tying myself to a sinking ship I claw my way back to the surface to sink again Here i lay, waiting to drown, gasping for air, i'm dying to hear your simple solutions Sorrow swings back and forth Incomplete and broken Pulsing with white noise and everyone fades out of focus the pressure inside my head, it wont subside there's nowhere to run and i can't find a place to hide No Sleep I can't eat can't see straight there's no light no fight left in me reassurance rests dead at the bottom Ten years Ten years and i'm still searching for an answer can't tell if i've lost my way or i'm bound to failure The Fear The fear of waking up and realizing i'm nothing i'm no one I'm nowhere I'm no one i'll never be free of this the weight of it all is fucking crushing me it's getting harder to breathe fuck, i'm done
8.
Ghost Limb 03:47
I've got another ghost limb carrying burdens. I've got a couple friends that forgot purpose. Understand that its the youth, Isolated and avoiding truth. I've got another ghost limb carrying burdens. And now they'll live like we once lived, Strung up by the ankles, haunted by their phantoms, And they will make the same mistakes, And they'll hurt the way we hurt May they suffer equal fate. Pains of youth, barren minds No Idea Empty eyes I've got another ghost limb carrying burdens. I've got a couple friends that forgot purpose. Understand that its the youth, Isolated and avoiding truth. I've got another ghost limb carrying burdens. And they'll be stuck in their routine, Strung up by the ankles, haunted by their phantoms, Another shot is just one lost in the dark, vicious cycles, merely making a mark, and they'll be forced the way we're forced, May they hurt the way we hurt. Pull back the weight so they can Pull back the weight so they can breathe Forced will of ignorance to release the fear inside. Release the fear inside I've got another ghost limb carrying burdens. I've got a couple friends that forgot purpose. Understand that its the youth, Isolated and avoiding truth. I've got another ghost limb carrying burdens. It's like I'm taken back and held beneath this darkened cloud Hell followed with no sense of direction, Stale visions that have poisoned the present. And they will make the same mistakes, And theyíll hurt the way we hurt May they suffer equal fate. Pull back the weight so they can breathe
9.
K.Y.L.R. 02:12
I came here looking for a safe place from the malice and the power plays from the bullshit and abuse from the constant predatory gaze welcomed in with open arms this is where i built my home thinking i was safe from harm so much that I didn't know I found out firsthand you snakes and pigs are all the same lurking in bands luring their victims in with fame they step on hallowed ground to catch an easy prey using those blaring sounds to drown out when we say this isn't right this is where we came to feel like we belong to a world that wouldn't use us... how dare you prove us wrong I used to love it here but I will sever ties those faked tears never covered up the evil in your eyes vulnerable and alone i trusted every word you'd say little did i know youd take advantage of me lying, two faced scum you'll get what's coming to you can't hide from everyone we all know the truth you can't hide from the truth you'll get what's coming to you
10.
Don't wanna fall asleep in cold sweat - Don't wanna feel so tired Don't wanna dwell on deathbed regrets - I wanna die admired fangs of distant past sunk into present skin Witness lives led to leers shed pained from deep within Paranoid That Iíll lose everything Iíve worked for while I sleep Paranoid, Paranoid Sleepwalking to widow's peak Unavoidable Capital Crawl Trying to win at any cost at all to avoid, to avoid the rise before the fall Standing on the edge of widow's peak Don't wanna fall asleep in cold sweat - Don't wanna feel so jaded Don't wanna dwell on deathbed regrets - Don't wanna die complacent Don't wanna fall asleep in cold sweat - Don't wanna feel so tired Don't wanna dwell on deathbed regrets - I wanna die admired Paranoid That Iíll lose everything Iíve worked for while I sleep Paranoid, Paranoid Sleepwalking to widow's peak Memories burn to ash underneath the stare of sun Memories like film projections dusted and outrun When the rat race when the rat race is won i'll the one left with a smoking gun Standing on the edge of windows peak Don't wanna fall asleep in cold sweat - Don't wanna feel so jaded Don't wanna dwell on deathbed regrets - Don't wanna die complacent Don't wanna fall asleep in cold sweat - Don't wanna feel so tired Don't wanna dwell on deathbed regrets - I wanna die admired Hung out on hooks and left to rot Burying their heads beneath the sand Searing in the sweltering heat withering are, weary grasps of hand Standing on the edge widowís peak Dreaming of the air beneath my feet Sting again of stale martyr teeth Sorry that I sunk them so deep

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Toronto, Ontario, Canada // Hardcore

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Recorded at Jettomars Studio in Granada Hills, California
Produced By: Nick Jett
Engineered & Mixed By: Nick Jett & Ryan Marr
Mastered By: Nick Jett

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released August 28, 2017

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Cold Shoulder Toronto, Ontario

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